You’re Not Broken—You’re Coping: And Here’s How to Heal InsteadDepression Coping Mechanisms: What We Think Protects Us, But Doesn’t
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
By Janelle Newell | 8/6/25 | Last edited: 8/6/25
Many people think depression is solely characterized by excessive crying, self-isolation, or self-harm. In someone with high-functioning depression, it can manifest itself in other ways. However, these distractions disguised as coping mechanisms usually end in self-sabotage.
But how we replace them with something softer, something real..?
1. Depersonalization: “I’m not really here.”
When we get overstimulated, sometimes our brain separates our subconscious from reality. There's this feeling of detachment—like we’re watching ourselves from above- like a spirit inhabiting a body we feel no ownership of. At first, it may feel relaxing to let go for a moment, but over time, dissociating becomes disorienting. You forget what it feels like to be fully present in your own skin and stop caring about the consequences of your actions.
Try this instead: Grounding techniques. Feel your feet on the floor. Say five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you hear. Put an ice cube in your hand. Breathe slowly and name the color of every object in the room. This is your life, and you deserve to live it.
2. Screen Memories: Trauma’s Sleight of Hand
Sometimes our brain replaces traumatic memories with vague or altered ones. We remember the version we can handle, but not the real thing. It’s not lying, exactly. It’s a defense mechanism. But when we don’t face the original wound, it festers. We wonder why we’re anxious, afraid, or hyper-independent (from a fear of abandonment), without remembering where it began.
Try therapy: EMDR. Journaling. Even just saying out loud, “I don’t remember everything, but something hurt me, and it mattered,” is a great start. Don’t rush to unlock everything at once—just begin acknowledging that feeling in your body. It remembers what your mind can’t say yet.
3. Self-Sabotage: Choosing Less Because You Think That’s All You Deserve
When we’ve internalized low self-worth, we start surrounding ourselves with people who confirm it. They breadcrumb us, but we think we are lucky to have someone in our life. However, this comfortability in the familiar can have adverse effects, causing us to shrink ourselves, stop speaking up, and let opportunities pass because we think we're unworthy.
Try introspection: Ask yourself, If I loved myself fully, what would I do differently today? It could be blocking that friend who drains you, or consuming more self-care content until you can rebuild your self-concept. It’s not about faking confidence—it’s about practicing it in tiny, consistent ways until it becomes belief.
4. Neglecting Basic Needs: Poor Diet, Sleep, and Exercise Habits
When you’re depressed, the basics feel impossible. You might eat once a day or sleep erratically. Moving your body starts feeling like punishment. And the worse you feel, the less likely you are to do the things that would help. Others may view it as laziness, but it may just be depression.
Try focusing on one small, non-negotiable task: Not “go to the gym 5x a week” but “walk for five minutes while listening to a podcast I love.” Not “get 8 hours every night” but “charge my phone away from my bed so I’m not scrolling until 3am.” Progress is built from micro-decisions, not massive overhauls.
5. Numbing With Screens, Substances, or Chaos
It’s not just drugs or alcohol—sometimes the escape is scrolling on TikTok until 4am, dating people we don’t like just to feel something, or jumping from crisis to crisis because calm feels foreign. The brain craves distraction when the silence feels like too much.
Try substitution: Swap scrolling for reading or sketching. Replace impulsive texting with journaling. Even just noticing, “I want to escape right now,” is a step toward self-awareness.
So… Now What?
If you’ve used these coping mechanisms, it means your body and brain did what they had to do to keep you safe in the moment. You are not broken. You are adapting. But survival mode is not meant to be permanent.
Healing is a slow return to choice. Choosing to stay instead of disappear. To rest instead of spiral. To try instead of sabotage.
You won’t always get it right, but each time you choose something rooted in care—you’re showing yourself what you deserve.
And that’s a start.
Works Cited
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5-TR. 5th ed., text rev., American Psychiatric Publishing, 2022.
Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing, 2010.
Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery, 2018.
Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Volume III (1893–1899): Early Psycho-Analytic Publications. Translated by James Strachey, Hogarth Press, 1962.
Maté, Gabor. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. North Atlantic Books, 2008.
National Institute of Mental Health. “Depression.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression. Accessed 6 Aug. 2025.
Psychology Today. “What Is Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder. Accessed 6 Aug. 2025.
Psychology Today. “Why People Self-Sabotage.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 1 Apr. 2021, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202104/why-people-self-sabotage. Accessed 6 Aug. 2025.
Schwartz, Arielle. The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole. Althea Press, 2016.
Shapiro, Francine. Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy. Rodale, 2012.
van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books, 2014.
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