Valentine’s Day Edition: Put Yourself First

By Janelle Newell | 2/2/24 | Last edited: 6/7/25

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s easy to get swept up in the wave of romance — from heart-shaped chocolates in store windows to endless couples’ posts on your feed. Teenagers, who consume this kind of curated content the most, often end up wondering: Am I missing something?

But how much of what we see online is actually real?

A lot of it isn’t. Many couples post the highlights of their relationships, carefully filtered to present a perfect image, even when things behind the scenes might be messy. The pressure to feel “loved” or “chosen” — especially this time of year — can quietly distort your sense of self-worth.

Whether it’s classmates holding hands in the hallway or kissing outside your 4th-period class, it’s easy to fall into comparison. But pause and ask yourself: What are you really comparing yourself to?

According to the Jed Foundation, constantly comparing yourself to others can harm your self-esteem. Studies show it lowers your confidence, clouds your judgment, and even impacts the parts of your brain responsible for decision-making. When you focus too much on someone else’s life, it becomes harder to appreciate your own — and even harder to recognize what makes you you.

So while it might feel difficult to de-center romance on a day like this, a healthy distraction might be exactly what you need. And if you’re single, it’s okay if Valentine’s Day stirs up some sadness or longing. That’s natural. But this is also a chance to reconnect with yourself — to pour into the most important relationship you’ll ever have: the one with you.

Here are a few simple ways to start:

1. Limit Romantic Content

Watching romance movies or scrolling through couple posts might seem comforting, but often, it just makes things feel worse. If you’re feeling sensitive, give yourself permission to take a break from the content that triggers those “why not me?” thoughts.

2. Reprogram the Narrative

Being single doesn’t mean you’re behind — it means you’re free. Free to focus on your goals, your joy, your time. Relationships can be beautiful, but they also take energy and compromise. Right now, you get to give that energy to yourself. And that’s powerful.

3. Romanticize Your Life

Do the things that make you feel good — not to impress anyone else, but to reconnect with your own joy. Try a solo cafe date, rewatch your favorite movie, try a new hobby, or dance in your room like you’re in a music video. Loving your own company is a flex.

At the end of the day — and every day — you are worth loving, no matter your relationship status. If you focus on self-love first, everything else will fall into place. And when the right kind of love shows up, you’ll meet it from a place of fullness — not need.